Dear Hopeful Momma,
I don’t know you, but know that I am praying for you. I know that what is supposed to be a day of smiles and joy, often brings heartache and sadness for you. Each year Mother’s Day is a painful reminder of past events and tears shed. Take heart in the following words, and know that you’re not alone.
Life is hard, and social media makes it harder. Every new day brings a friends new post announcing a pregnancy, someone’s gender reveal video, and a squishy newborn hospital selfie. And with every post you put on a smile, give your congratulations and scroll right along. But your story doesn’t end there. You close your phone, lay down at night and let your mind take over. It’s in these quiet hours that you feel exposed, lonely and depressed. Will you ever be on the receiving end of those instagram comments? When will it be your turn to host a “touchdowns or tutus” reveal party? Why are you the only one in your circle of friends who can’t call themselves ‘Mom’?
Maybe you’ve been trying for months, or even years, and are beginning to give up. Maybe you’ve been through several unsuccessful rounds of IVF, only to lose hope. Maybe you’ve carried children, but lost them through miscarriage or stillbirth. All of these things will leave a girl distraught and lonely, asking herself all of those questions to herself at night. Your husband and family members are there for you with a listening ear, but it’s just not quite the same unless they’ve been through it.
You’re not alone my sweet friend. There are hundreds of thousands of women who have gone through the same struggle of starting a family, myself included. My husband and I lost our first child through miscarriage in 2015, and it messed me up, plain and simple. We weren’t ‘trying’ to start our family yet, however it was a welcome surprise. No matter the surprise, the weeks and months after our miscarriage were the hardest of my life – half because of hormones, and half because I let my thoughts take over. I placed my self worth and identity in something that was mine for a mere 10 weeks, and it was suddenly gone. Thankfully, I opened my heart to some kind and gentle souls around me and healed – slowly – but I healed.
I say all of this to hopefully offer a lending hand and a listening ear to you. Mother’s Day can be one heck of an emotional roller coaster for the woman struggling to start a family. While having all of these emotions is completely normal and healthy, don’t let them dictate your thoughts and identity. We all hold many titles on this earth – mother, daughter, wife, sister and friend. But that’s the thing – those are all EARTHLY titles. Just like your current emotions, those titles are only temporary. So why do we get so caught up in these things of the world? We must focus on the eternal, and our identity in Christ!
If you become so caught up in finding your identity in things of this world, you will be sorely disappointed. The Bible says our joy and identity are to be found in Christ alone! Think about it for a moment, to trust Jesus as your Savior means that you believe AND receive that he died on the cross for your sins. When we accept Jesus, the old is laid to rest and we are made new – our new identity in Christ. It is up to us how seriously we take this!
So my hopeful momma, I know you’re hurting. I know another Mother’s Day is coming, and you are dreading the thoughts and emotions of the day. Now more than ever, you are questioning if you will ever be able to give yourself the title Mom. It hurts to want something so badly, and not know why you haven’t received it. But please hold on to this. No matter how much you long for a child, God longs for you even more. He wants to have a lasting, personal relationship with you. He wants to guide you through these trials, so that you can come out stronger. I will leave you with this. Stop looking for approval and satisfaction from those in this world, and place your identity in the one who knows and loves you best – Jesus.